Most people get involved in caring for others because it is the right thing to do. There are a lot of wonderful things about caring for others, but there are also a lot of responsibilities and challenges, and some really tough times.

Caring for people in need brings out the best in us, and it brings out the worst in us. That’s true when you do anything difficult or out of the ordinary. And remember this: God loves you as much as He loves the people you are taking care of. Sometimes, there is a smug superiority on our part, because WE can do something for THEM they cannot do for themselves. It helps to remember we are equal in God’s sight. You need to realize if you live long enough, someone will be taking care of you.

At any one time, seven million people in the U.S. act as unpaid caregivers. AARP says 72 percent of caregivers for aging relatives are female, age 45-50, and married; more than half of them work outside the home; 41 percent are concurrently caring for their own children. The average caregiver spends 17 years raising children and 18 years caring for aging parents.

To make the job easier, take care of yourself. Don’t exhaust your emotional, spiritual and physical resources. That may sound selfish, but think of it as common sense. If you burn out, then who will be caring for those entrusted to you?

Set down some rules; you will not be available all of the time. If they need something, tell them to ask for specific things. If you don’t want to do it, all you have to say is “no.”
The people you care for have concerns. They are lonely. They worry you are going to “dump” them (they know how much effort it takes). Most people are compassionate as long as it is convenient.

Sometimes it seems like a thankless task. We think of our sacrifice. We become very noble. That’s when we need to remember Matthew 25. We are doing these things for Jesus Christ.

You need an emotional release who is not a family member. Find a good friend, someone who loves you, who knows everything about you and has no plans for your self-improvement.

You are not alone. If you feel alone, you have not taken advantage of the spiritual resources available to you. Prayer and God’s Word are a given. We all need another human face to interact with. God is wonderful, but I have trouble seeing God. However, I can see the Spirit of God operating through other people. It means so much to have someone say, “I care” or to just give you a hug.

The Bible says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” That is not just a monetary reference. It applies to all of life. In giving to others, we are blessed. The most positive thing about being a caregiver is you will learn a great deal about yourself. We who are Christians can see God’s hand involved in every detail. Maybe this is the exact reason God wants us here at this specific time.

Some of the blessings of being a caregiver are:

• It gives valuable end-of-life time with a loved one.
• It allows people to give back to those who have previously given to them.
• It allows you to communicate intimately with those you love the most.
• It is a new way to show love.
• It reminds you, daily, of what Christ endured for us.
• It helps you learn how to let go of the unimportant.
• You learn patience, gentleness, calmness and meekness.
• It allows God to love you through the life of another.

Some things I do to alleviate the pressure of caregiving:

• I’ve trained myself to be grateful. When I wake up in the morning, before I even get up, I count at least 10 things for which I am truly grateful. Some days are easier than others, but when I finally do get to 10, my spirits are lifted and I am ready to go.
• I make it a practice to be thankful for other people. We tend to take people for granted. We expect them to do things for us, and we get offended when they don’t come through. And I also thank God for having them do things for me.
• I’ve found ways to nurture myself. I read my Bible more; I pray more. My church is the best support group I could ever imagine.
• I stay in contact with upbeat people. Downers don’t help us at all. You need someone to enrich you.
• I ask for specific help. I express I need help, and I spell out what type of things I need.

Finally, it is okay to regret what might have been. If we deny our feelings, we are only suppressing them, and they will come out in different ways. We don’t choose the life of being a caregiver, but it is our reality. It is what God has chosen to bring into our life. Be thankful for what you have been given.

As a youth, I memorized something that has helped me through difficult times: “As you wander on through life, brother, whatever be your goal, keep your eye upon the doughnut and not upon the hole.” I’ve discovered life is good, but God is better.

My prayer for you, “Loving God, show me the truth about myself, no matter how wonderful it may be. Amen.”